


I love you, Simon Snow

by BloomingSnow



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Parents, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 09:09:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10828170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloomingSnow/pseuds/BloomingSnow
Summary: It has been three years since Simon died, and Baz goes back to where it all started, and remembers all the wonderful memories they had together.





	I love you, Simon Snow

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a quick fanfic I wrote last night from an outburst of creativity, I literally cried while writing.   
> It's very short and it is unedited, so sorry for any mistakes! I would be glad for any criticism/remarks/other down in the comments!

Simon Snow was dead.  
He was dead for 3 years. Today.   
Simon Snow was dead.  
And not because of me.  
And I know it sounds bad when I say I’m happy because of that, but people could never understand.  
I was meant to kill him.  
I was meant to kill Simon Snow.  
I was meant to kill the love of my life.  
But now, he’s gone. And this time he isn’t coming back.   
All I can do is think about him. The cold is surrounding me and I can feel the snow soak up my dark blue sweater.   
His smile.  
His smile wasn’t a rare one like mine, he offered smiles to everyone like it was nothing.   
He had the biggest smile ever and his teeth were showing, his eyes went in a weird squint, and he kind of crinkled his nose.   
It always seemed as if his eyes were sparkling, they were so blue and clear, they always had a special spark. In all off my 82 years, I could never find anything close enough to describe what his eyes looked like.  
It’s more of a feeling, really.  
It’s like laying in the grass in a hot sunny day, trees surrounding you and throwing shade on the ground. And you’re positioned just so the shade covers your face from the sun, or maybe it was just me because I’m a vampire, but Simon was sitting in the sun, soaking it up.   
I opened my eyes and sat up from my position, and looked at him, he was my sun, his freckles and mole were like stars all over his body. His eyes were closed and I just soaked up him, all of his beauty, everything about him made me just so damn happy, and every moment I spent with him, made me realize how deeply, unconditionally, and hopelessly I was falling in love with Simon Snow.  
And right at that moment I felt him sit right on me, I opened my eyes and balanced myself on my elbows as his hands on my chest and smiled at me so big, and his eyes were so clear, they were like two little lakes, with so much hidden in them.   
“I love you Baz,” He said, and he didn’t stop smiling for even one second.   
“I love you, I love you, I love you,” He didn’t stop saying it and each time he kissed me somewhere on my face, and I knew I was so in love with him.  
“Marry Me Simon Snow,” I said, because I knew that there is no where I would rather be than here, with him.  
I remember one of the first times Simon cried in during a fight.  
We never really did fight. Not seriously anyway, it was usually over scattered books, or socks or what should we order to take away for dinner.  
And if I am completely honest I don’t even remember what the fight was really about.  
But he got hurt, and I remember him standing there in front of me.  
And I remember the growing feeling, like a void that was forming deep inside of me, when I saw how he looked at me, his eyes watery.  
“Fine,” he said, as he turned his heels around and walked to the door, he took on his coat and walked out of it. Closing it behind.  
And I fell to the floor and thought why did I let him walk out.  
I tried calling him more than 15 times that evening, sitting on the couch in front of that bloody christmas tree. I was staring at it with such distaste.   
Then he walked in through the door again, and I ran to him. And I hugged him. I didn’t care that his jacket was wet, I was just glad to see him here again.  
“I’m sorry,” I said as if I was whispering something only meant for him, “I’m so, so sorry love,” I kept saying.   
“I’m sorry too, I’m sorry I walked out, I really don’t care about anything, I just want to decorate the tree with you Baz, I just want to spend this time of the year with you,” he said, and I just quietly whispered “I love you” into his ear, because I felt the same.  
When him and I first moved in into our own house, Simon was so happy.  
He was quickly moving boxes, so giddy he looked like he was about to fall, and I was so sad that he doesn’t have his tail anymore because it would be waving all around in the air.  
Box after box Simon got them inside, and each time he went out and saw me enter with another box he planted a kiss to my nose.   
“My handsome husband,” He would say as we curled up on the couch, my hands around his smaller body, playing with his curls, and kissing his head, while the telly was on in the background.   
Simon Snow was my happy place.  
I miss Simon’s curls.  
They were always messy, no matter how much he brushed the or how many beauty spells I tried casting on his hair nothing worked. And I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t love it, because his hair was always sticking out of everywhere, but it was so soft and I loved playing with his bronze locks and twisting them around my fingers.  
Simon always smelled like chocolate and orange, and his hair like apples, and I loved how his scent lingered in our house, how our bedsheets smelled like us both together, and how his clothes had this familiar smell to them, so familiar it almost feels like he’s back here.  
Sometimes instead of date nights out we would stay home.  
Simon would drink his wine and we would watch telly.   
That night I played music, it was the song we danced to at watford, and Simon placed his glass aside, dragging me to the middle of our living room, and we danced.  
I rested my chin on his head and his ears were towards my chest, maybe hoping he could hear a heartbeat, but oh Simon Snow, you might have not felt it, and neither did I but I knew that my heart is racing every second with you.   
And fuck the butterflies, I felt the whole zoo in my stomach when i’m with him.  
“Have you thought about kids, Baz?” he asked me, and I did, yet I didn’t know how long would I live or if Simon wanted them at all, but I lied and I said no.  
“What if we adopted?” He asked me again, and I said that would be great, and soon, but not soon enough we had a daughter.  
Eleanor has her own family now, she lives in America with Gerard and the kids, she seems happy. Just like we were.   
We raised her together, and we had to let go, like a bird lets go of its offspring.  
I have so many things from her childhood, and all of our family photos still hang around the house, and your clothes still hang around in the closet.  
Simon I would give up everything in the world to tell you I love you again.   
I love you so much Simon Snow, I love you, I love you, I love you.  
And I know you’re somewhere else now, and I can’t love you back to life, but I can try.  
Simon Snow, three years today you died, and I could be by your side, I held your hand, and I got to be by your side through everything.  
You died at 82.  
An age you could only dream of when you were 19, you got a family you didn’t think you would ever have, you had a life that you loved, and me.  
I’m laying in the snow, the trees of the forest surrounding me and the stars shine so brightly, but all I can see are your eyes.  
I went back to the forest where you first kissed me, and how I miss the touch of your lips, I miss you, Simon.   
If I could ever just go back in time and tell 5th year me that it will be okay.  
If I could just go back in time and relive everything.  
“I love you Simon Snow,” I said one last time before setting the forest on fire.


End file.
